The Devil Loves the Lonely
Why community and the gift of hospitality are among the most potent spiritual gifts.
At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”
At once the Spirit sent him out into the wilderness, and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.
Mark 1: 9-13, NIV
In the summer of 2004, following my graduation from college, I began to gather up my life for the first major move I’d ever made. I’d been lucky enough (some might say crazy enough) to live at home during my undergraduate studies, so the relocation from the rolling hills and poultry farms of the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia to the flat-land tobacco fields of eastern North Carolina would come as a shock to my system in more ways than one. As the days drew closer to the move, I prepared by boxing up my earthly possessions and acquiring furniture and home goods to outfit my new apartment. I attempted to keep my mind focused on the excitement of a new school in a new town in a new region of the country in an effort not to face the anxieties of living alone, far from family and friends, in a world full of unknowns.
The day of the move was full of it’s own excitement. For starters, the ‘day’ of the move turned into a full weekend of moving. Just a few hours into the journey in a caravan of moving vans and passenger vehicles, my parents, grandparents, best friend and I received the news that my newly leased apartment was inaccessible due to hurricane-induced flooding. We’d have to spend the night somewhere outside of town and wait for word that it was safe to approach the campus. I can still remember the strange purple-green color of the sky as the eye-wall of that hurricane passed over our roadside motel while I floated suspended in the parking-lot swimming pool. Surreal. The whole experience was so surreal.
Finally the day came to move into my new apartment. My anxieties were replaced by excitement and responsibility - meeting the leasing agent for a walk-thru, signing documents, moving furniture and boxes into the empty rooms, making some order among the chaos. While my father and best friend and I focused on heavy lifting, my grandmother inaugurated the kitchen by cooking us lunch. My mother had the hardest job, watching over my grandfather as he became more and more confused by the excitement of the day. This trip would be the last time he traveled, as he would soon become home-bound and enter memory care for the remainder of his battle with Alzheimer’s disease. For the time, he stood at the window and watched my father and friend and I take boxes from the moving van, and when we’d bring them into the apartment, he’d tell us there were men outside working very hard at moving boxes. It is a terrible disease.
That August evening, just before the sun began to set over Pirate Country in Greenville, North Carolina, my parents and best friend loaded up my grandparents and began their return trip back to Virginia. I stared at the mountain of unpacked boxes and the bare walls, the smell of my grandmother’s cooking and the thought of my grandfather’s failing health mixing with my fears and anxieties as night closed in.
***
Solitude can be wonderful. Time spent alone to reset and re-connect with God alone can be the most valuable medicine for mental health and spiritual wellness. However, unsolicited loneliness is an altogether different situation. Loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, self-harming or unhealthy coping ‘techniques.’ Loneliness can lead to a myriad of negative mental and physical health impacts. Jesus understood the difference well. In his Great Commission, he encourages the disciples to continue his work among all the people of the world, growing the number of those who believe in the Good News wherever they go. The central message of discipleship is that Jesus is The Way, and the more people who follow him, the larger the community of faith grows, the better the world will be. Not long after he ascended into heaven, his Church would live out the perfect picture of community life, if only for a while.
***
In the first days of living alone, I kept busy attending to that mountain of boxes and finding my way around my new city and the university campus. Before long, however, the darkness creeped in from around the edges, as natural as the browning edges of an aging photograph. I found myself lonely, depressed, and anxious. I ate poorly, slept poorly, and worse yet I studied poorly and performed poorly in classes. I had been an easy “A” student for my entire life, but I found the constant pressure of fear and anxiety overwhelming. I tried making friends, which slowly began to help, but ultimately I simply missed my family and friends from back home. I missed my routines from back home. I missed the smells of the poultry industry - and that is perhaps the strangest thing to miss about the Shenandoah Valley, but also the clearest sign that I simply missed home.
My physical health suffered, especially in weight loss, but the most profound effects of loneliness were seen in my mental health challenges. I began relying on caffeine and nicotine to replace sleep and a healthy diet. After two months of surviving, miserably exhausted from loneliness, I packed an overnight bag in early October and headed back to the Valley of Virginia for Fall Break.
***
Jesus was fully human, yet fully God. He had all the right words for Satan in the wilderness. He also had angels to attend him. When loneliness breeds depression and anxiety in the average young adult, it’s hard for the mere mortal to find the words (let alone the angels) to fend off temptation. Humankind was made for community. Humankind was made for offering hospitality, accepting welcome, and belonging. Jesus teaches us that solitude can be a tool for strengthening our relationship with God, but also that loneliness can challenge even the Son of Man.
***
I was lucky. Or rather, I was blessed. I never succumbed to the worst effects of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Yet, I had enough of a taste of this darkness to truly empathize with those who struggle mightily with the demons of temptation Satan sends to torment the lonely. The Devil loves the lonely because the lonely are vulnerable to temptation. The Devil loves the lonely because the lonely will befriend even an enemy as a trade against loneliness. The Devil loves the lonely because the lonely will listen to lies as a distraction from anxiety.
***
As I crossed over a rise in the rolling hills leading to my hometown of Bridgewater, Virginia, I saw the familiar October sun beginning to set to the west just over Round Hill. I saw the familiar town there below. There were familiar houses among familiar fields. There were familiar tears streaming down my face. And there, just down the familiar street, I saw the familiar smoke from the familiar chimney. The loneliness was over. There was home.
Thanks be to God.
J.M.D.
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts of the Apostles 2: 42-47, NIV