" Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the glory of children is their parents. "
(Proverbs 17:6, NRSV)
I have been blessed to have called two women 'mother' - or more accurately 'mom' - in my life. The first was the woman who bore me as a child, my birth mother. She passed from metastatic breast cancer when I was ten years old. She predeceased her mother and sister - my grandmother and aunt. Years later, my aunt would also battle the same cancer, but with a far better outcome. She remains with us to this day, and I am blessed by a mothering figure I've never called 'mom.' My maternal grandmother may have 'survived' my mother, in the literal sense, but she barely survived the grief of the past 30 years without her youngest daughter.
Around the time of my mother's passing, I met the woman I have introduced as 'my mom' for the past 30 years - my step-mother, literally, but she's never been even a step away from me since we met. She's the woman who raised me, who taught me to cook and keep house and be respectful. She's been an inspiring and irreplaceable part of my life for most of it, and the job has not always been so easy, I know.
In meeting my step-mother and joining into her family, I got the bonus of another set of grandparents. My grandaddy was one of my favorite people, and his memory is still with me to this day, but the woman who ironed his pants and kept him fed may have also been much more for him and the family than meets the eye. She held us together with large family gatherings at holidays, planned the family vacations, doctored our cold and flu symptoms, and kept us all on the straight and narrow throughout our childhood. Her grandchildren were her pride and joy - even those she'd gained by her daughter's second marriage. She never treated my brother or me any differently than the rest of her many grandchildren.
My maternal grandmother was much the same, in the sense that she welcomed our new step-brother into her family following the death of her daughter and her former son-in-law's second marriage. She has kept my mother's side of our lives living for the past 30 years, complete with family gatherings and holiday celebrations, phone calls, and visits. When I moved away from home for the first time, she was a constant companion on the phone, and I made sure to visit her each time I was home.
This Mother's Day will feel a little different than any other for me. Though my birth mother has been gone for most of my life, and my step-grandmother for the past decade, I will be missing one more mothering presence this year. My maternal grandmother is nearing the end of her Baptism, her earthly life. Following a stroke, a fall, and major medical setbacks, her body is no longer tenable and her beautiful soul will soon return to the Father. It is a certain kind of sadness to lose a mothering presence, and yet it is one many of us have faced before and may face again.
What is it about mothers and grandmothers, older women in our lives of any relation or friendship, that graft them so central to our identity in this world? Whatever kind of gift that is, we can be sure it is a spiritual one. I believe we have all been ministered to by important female figures throughout our lives, and we have come to know Jesus much more surely through the witness of such women.
As we prepare to celebrate mothers of all types this Sunday, remember to thank God for the gift of those who have passed, hug those who are present, and teach the future mothers among us by example. The world needs Jesus, and awaits His return. Until He comes again, we have mothers to keep us in line.
In Christ,
J.M.D.